


Your Pain is My Pain

by StatueOfLuberty



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, I thought of this and ran, M/M, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-09 03:01:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8873107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StatueOfLuberty/pseuds/StatueOfLuberty
Summary: When Philip was younger, his mom explained what a soulmate was and how it all worked. You feel their physical pain, but it doesn't show up on your body. Whenever Philip scrapes his knee, his soulmate feels it, but his or her knee isn't scraped and bleeding. There's no sign of it.





	

When Philip was younger, his mom explained what a soulmate was and how it all worked. You feel their physical pain, but it doesn't show up on your body. Whenever Philip scrapes his knee, his soulmate feels it, but his or her knee isn't scraped and bleeding. There's no sign of it.

The first memory he has of feeling pain is when he was in kindergarten; he was coming in from recess when his wrist suddenly started to hurt  _really_ bad. He was sobbing, holding it to his body as if that would help. The nurse checked it out and told him that his soulmate broke his wrist. He had to wear a sling for two weeks before returning to life, a dull ache in his wrist for another five weeks. Over the years, there were scraped knees, bruised shins, and even a couple concussions. The first two were split between him and his soulmate, but the third one was strictly his soulmate. It was the worst pain he's ever felt.

Then, there was the knee injury.

Philip has no idea what happened. He was walking to his next class, and then he was on the floor. It felt like something in his knee snapped. The nurse told him his soulmate tore his ACL. Philip couldn't walk for almost a year.

When he was located in Tivoli, all he felt was pain, but that was mostly from getting beaten up. He couldn't distinguish his own pain from his soulmate's. Gabe would ask what happened, while Helen would just stare before excusing herself to head downtown. It angered Gabe, but Philip didn't particularly care. He just wanted his mom to get better.

Meeting Lukas was definitely an accident. He saw the blond around school, didn't think much of him since he had a girl at his side almost all the time. Anyway, Philip was hanging out at this old tunnel he found when he heard the familiar roar of a dirt bike. This bike went by above the tunnel almost every day, but today was different. The rider stopped at one end of the tunnel. He cuts the engine and takes his helmet off, shaking out his blond hair. Lukas.

"Hey," Lukas says once their eyes meet. "You're Philip, right?"

"No," Philip lies.

Lukas holds his hands up and approaches slowly. "I'm not gonna beat you up, if that's what you're wondering."

"Then why are you here?" Philip asks bitterly.

"Tommy told me you like photography."

"So what?"

"Wanna film me riding my bike? I could use help to get sponsors. I—I'll even pay you."

Philip hesitates. "You don't have to pay me."

"What?" Lukas asks.

"I've got nothing else to do. I'll do it for free. When should we start?"

Lukas tosses another helmet Philip's way. "How about now?"

* * *

They witnessed a shooting. Three guys are dead. They were almost  _killed._ Lukas saved Philip.

Nobody knows they hang out.

Philip starts to have a panic attack after the gun is thrown into the creek. He's mumbling some nonsense about what would've happened if Lukas didn't do anything. Desperate, Lukas pulls him into a tight hug to calm him down before he takes him back to the sheriff's house. The ride back is quick, Lukas dropping Philip off by the barn before speeding off. Philip rushes to the house, barreling through the front door. It looks like Gabe stayed a little longer at the hospital, and Helen usually gets back around eight or nine. He locks the front and back doors, checking all the windows before practically barricading himself in the room he's staying in. Sitting on the bed, he notices his hands are shaking. He shoves them under his thighs, hoping they'll stop. His phone vibrates in his pocket, but he doesn't take it out. He's afraid to. It vibrates a couple minutes later, so he looks at it.

**Made it home okay. Did you?**

**Philip?**

**_I'm fine. Locked all the doors and windows._ **

Philip plugs his phone in and gets ready for bed. Once he's settled under the covers, it's like it plays all over again. He's kissing Lukas, having a  _really_ good time when a car pulls up. Lukas tells him to get under the bed while he hides in the closet, four guys they don't recognize come in, three of them get shot, a gun is being pointed at Philip, Lukas hits the killer, and they leave. Then, it repeats. It repeats and repeats and repeats.

He's soon on a bus to New York City, ignoring the voice in his head that's yelling at him about the judge's ruling. He needs to see his mom. She can calm his racing heart better than anybody else. Even if she doesn't know what happened, she knows how to cheer him up.

Gabe finds him. God, he really hates that tracker on Helen's phone. The ride back to Tivoli is quiet except for the radio. When they reach the school, Helen hands Philip his bag and sweatshirt. There's a small argument, and then Helen gets a call about the triple-homicide; Philip's heart races as it plays in his brain in flashes. He rushes to the school, where Lukas is already with his friends and Rose. His stomach twists at another memory from last night. God, how could he have let himself do that to Rose?

_You're not gonna tell anyone about this._

He sends a text to Lukas, but there's no response. After second period, he finds Lukas and tries to talk to him about Helen's phone call, but he doesn't want to hear it. A crowd starts to form, but Philip doesn't care. He needs to talk to him about the phone call.

"You need to get out of here," Lukas whispers.

When Philip doesn't, Lukas throws the first punch. Philip staggers back, mostly in shock. Then, something inside of him snaps, and he's on Lukas, punching and punching. Lukas regains control and flips them over, landing a couple more until a teacher pulls them apart. They're sent to the nurse, and then home with the promise of a call from the principal. As soon as they're outside, Lukas speaks up.

"What the hell, Philip?! I told you that we don't talk in school," Lukas hisses.

Philip ignores him and starts walking in the direction of Gabe and Helen's house. He doesn't care how long it takes to get there; the fresh air will be good to clear his head, anyway. His face hurts so badly, even in spots he doesn't remember getting hit. That's probably from tensing up with each blow.

* * *

 Philip has no idea why he thought it was a good idea to go to Lukas' house and kiss him. Lukas made it obvious he doesn't want to be seen with Philip. Philip doesn't want to be anybody's dirty secret, especially when that somebody already has a girlfriend. His bike has a flat, which makes it even worse. Whatever, he'll just take the bus.

But then the killer gets on the bus and looks right at Philip. Philip gets off at the next stop and runs to the Waldenbecks' property, not stopping until he reaches Lukas.

"What are you doing here? Y-you can't be here, my dad's inside!" Lukas hisses.

"I just saw the guy from the cabin," Philip pants.

Lukas freezes. "What? You said he was dead."

"No, I thought he was. I just saw him, he looked right at me."

"He saw you, and you came here? D-did—did he follow you? What if he knows what I look like? I'm dead."

"No, he didn't—he didn't follow me."

Philip sees Helen's Jeep pull up, and Lukas shoos him behind a wall. He watches the exchange between his foster mom and his . . . whoever through the gaps in the wall. When she leaves, Philip comes back out, but Lukas is upset about Helen knowing about his race. He tells him to leave, even pushes him, and then he says while Philip's walking away, "Hey Philip, I-I fixed your flat tire."

Philip takes his bike and heads the the station. Gabe said he wants them to eat together, even though Helen's wrapped up in a case. However, it seems like Gabe didn't tell Helen about it, because she doesn't look happy. Gabe mentions Tommy's DSLR, and Philip tells them how he exchanged his jacket for the camera. Then, it hits him.

The killer saw the jacket. He thinks Tommy was there, not Philip.

When they're done with dinner, Philip texts Lukas to meet him, threatening to tell Helen. Lukas shows up about fifteen minutes later, and they go into the car in the back of the station. They argue a little bit, then Lukas throws Philip into the wall, pinning him there. He hesitates before pressing their lips together. He begs Philip not to tell anybody. Philip agrees, and they kiss again. It's slow and languid, like they have all the time in the world to just stand there and kiss. Suddenly, Lukas is pulling, saying, "God, I really wanna get drunk."

So they get drunk.

They get caught.

_I'm not supposed to like you this way._

They drink hand sanitizer.

They throw up.

What's done is done.

* * *

Lukas texted Philip that they needed to meet on the roof of the school and how to get there. Philip makes sure to look around before heading up the ladder. He finds Lukas crouching, one of the pamphlets for Tommy and Tracy in his hand.

"Can't be crying like some bitch, not in front of the whole school," he says when Philip asks if he's okay.

"Lukas, it's a memorial service. You're supposed to cry. Everyone else is upset about Tommy and Tracy—"

"I'm not everyone, am I?" he interrupts.

 _That stings._ "Lukas, listen—"

"No, I know what you're gonna say. They overdosed. It's got nothing to do with us." He stands on the edge of the roof, looking out at the town. "I keep seeing it."

"Wha-what are you talking about?" Philip asks.

"The guy. I'm standing there behind him, and I'm holding the frying pan, but I can't move. He shoots you, and then he turns and looks straight at me. He's gonna kill me. I can't make it stop." Lukas glances at the ground.

"It's never gonna stop . . . not unless we tell." Philip guides him away from the edge. "Hey, look. Look at me." Lukas looks over at him, and Philip can see the fear in his eyes. "I told you, it's only gonna get worse if you keep it a secret. It's-it's not gonna just go away. It doesn't work like that."

"How come you're so chill?" Lukas wonders.

Philip shrugs. "I've had to be cool for my mom. I can be cool for you, too."

"You-your mom know you're gay?"

He nods. "Yeah. Yeah, I told her about you. She . . . she won't say anything. She's—"

"There's nothing to say," Lukas snaps.

"Okay."

* * *

Lukas kissed him in public. No,  _Rick Anderton_ did.

Either way, Philip's fuckin' pumped.

They walk around the city a little bit, their linked hands swinging between them a little bit. Philip feels like he's on the fucking moon, he's so happy to show his affection for Lukas in public without having to worry about Lukas smacking him away, or worse. He didn't want to think about that, but it's still in the back of his mind. The night's not going to last forever, but he'll be damned if he doesn't cherish every moment.

"So, what's next?" Lukas asks.

"Well, we can get some food, warm up a little," Philip suggests.

"What kind of warming up?" Lukas asks, a smirk on his face.

"Like, we'll sit in a diner, maybe order some breakfast and coffee."

At the diner, they talk about school and the idiots in their classes. At some point, Lukas hooks an ankle around Philip's, a small smile ghosting his lips. God, Philip wants to reach over and kiss him, then he remembers that he can. Lukas looks surprised, but he doesn't push him away. When Philip sits back down, he takes a sip of his coffee as if nothing happened.

"I'm scared of fucking this up," Lukas whispers. Philip hums questioningly, so he continues. "I know you said three things, but this is important. I can't actually say the word out loud, but I've been questioning myself my whole life, wondering why I was so different from the man my dad wants me to grow to be. I like you, but I'm so scared of what everybody's going to say. That's why I would probably tell my mom about you; I know that she would love me no matter that."

"Hey, it's okay to be scared. It's normal," Philip assures him. "I just don't know how I feel about doing this while you're still with Rose."

Lukas shakes his head. "I can't break up with her."

"I'm not saying that."

"What are you saying?" he asks.

Philip shrugs and says, "Maybe we should stop this after tonight. We can still hang out, but nothing more than stuff friends do."

Lukas hesitates before nodding. "Yeah. Yeah, that could work."

* * *

"Hey, I got your text. What's up?" Philip asks as he reaches the roof.

"Why is Helen driving you to school all of a sudden?" Lukas questions.

Philip shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe 'cause I finally told her stuff."

Lukas' face hardens. "You told her what we saw?"

"No, I told her that I'm gay."

"Why?"

"Why not?" Philip is really starting to get pissed off.

"Shit, now they think I'm gay, too?" Lukas asks, obviously freaking out.

"No. No, now they think that you're a homophobic bully, which you are." Philip crosses his arms. "What are we doing up here? What's going on?"

"People are talking about us ditching together."

He really wants to roll his eyes. "Okay, so don't hang out with me anymore."

"I'm not going to, but that's gonna fix it. They're all saying stuff. I need it to stop," Lukas snaps.

"Okay. Okay so you . . . do you want me to tell everyone that you didn't kiss me in the cabin or at the club, and none of it happened, none of it's real? Is that what . . . is that what you want, me to go and make a big announcement to everyone?" Philip asks sarcastically.

"You're an asshole," Lukas comments.

"Yeah, I'm the asshole."

"Yeah, you are." Philip hums at that. Then Lukas says, "i'm gonna have sex with Rose."

 _Yeah, that hurts._ "Did you seriously drag me all the way up here just to tell me that?"

"No. I need your help with something."

"Why would I help you?" Philip asks.

Lukas hesitates. "Because you know I like you, and I think I figured out a way for us to keep hanging out."

* * *

Filming them made him want to take three showers. He felt disgusting, slimy for agreeing to do this. Why did he? Because he really fucking likes Lukas and would do anything for that boy to like him back. Then Lukas bent back and looked him in the eyes, and he was done. He stopped recording and walked away as fast as possible, his stomach turning. He felt like he was gonna throw up. Filming something he wasn't supposed to see, something so  _intimate_ made him sick He manages to not throw up, but only when he tells himself he'll stay in the shower for at least an hour, scrubbing every inch of his body. He feels like he has to burn his clothes.

The worst part is that he did this so he could continue to hang out with Lukas.

* * *

Lukas calling him a stalker hurts, but what's worse is finding out he lied to Helen and said Philip made everything up. He just wants to lock himself in the bathroom and sit in the shower all day, letting the scalding water hit his back, but Gabe and Helen would kill him for using all the water, and he doesn't want his soulmate to go through that kind of pain. He used to do it when he was younger until his mom told him his soulmate could feel it and was probably in a lot of pain.

Instead, he continues to go to school, get beat up, go home, feel numb and sleep, repeating the cycle every day. Then, Helen invites Bo and Lukas over so he can apologize for lying. His stomach twists at seeing Lukas again, but he pushes through it, setting the table without really paying attention. When Bo and Lukas arrive, Philip hides in the kitchen, trying to stop his hands from shaking. Eventually, Helen calls him outside. The only seat that's left is in front of Lukas, which makes this dinner even harder. He doesn't have a choice but to either look at his plate or Lukas.

"Can we do this? Can we just . . . can we just do this?" Bo asks.

"Yes, all right. Philip?" Helen says.

Philip takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Lukas, for making up the story that you saw the murders and had the gun."

"Do you accept the apology, Lukas?" Gabe asks.

"Yeah, sure."

"Okay, and from now on, we're gonna need, uh, Philip to keep his distance from Lukas," Bo states.

Philip's heart drops to his feet. Everybody else goes back in forth, but he stays quiet. Then, Gabe asks, "Lukas, are you absolutely certain you've been entirely truthful with Helen?"

Lukas swallows before saying. "No."

"What, Lukas? What happened?" Helen asks.

"Philip . . . he made me steal from my dad to buy drugs," Lukas says, keeping his eyes on Philip.

"What?" Gabe asks.

"Yeah, he wanted me to take some with him too, but I-I didn't."

"Is that true, Philip?" Helen questions.

Philip hesitates before saying in a monotone voice, "Yeah, sure, whatever Lukas says."

Something in Lukas' eyes change, like he's just realized what he's done. He just lost the one person who likes him for who he truly is. Bo excuses them, and Philip calls social services, asking to be relocated. After hanging up, he heads to the barn, pacing for a few seconds before letting out a scream. He grabs at his hair, pulling and tugging as the tears stream down his face. He just lost everything. He had a family that cared about him, a guy who he liked that actually liked him back, and he lost it all because he opened his big, fat mouth. It feels like he's been slapped, but he knows it's from his soulmate.

_I still feel it, though._

* * *

He feels overwhelmed when Lukas comes back, telling Helen Philip was telling the truth. He pulls the gun from the back of his pants and hands it over before turning to Philip, and he just looks so _scared._ Philip can't stand it; he turns away.

"Lukas, we need to go to the cabin so you can look around and tell me everything that happened," Helen says.

"I'll take Philip to social services," Gabe says, starting up the truck.

Philip barely remembers being at the office, just telling them he made a mistake, he wants to stay,  _please don't take me away._  The worker stares at him before agreeing to weekly visits. When they get back to the house, Helen and Lukas aren't back, yet. Philip tells Gabe he needs some air and takes his bike, riding to the Waldenbecks'. When he gets there, he sees Lukas and walks over faster.

"What happened with Helen?" Philip asks.

"I don't want to talk about any of that shit right now," Lukas says before pulling Philip into a tight hug.

They sit under a tree further away from the barn, knowing they need to talk about this. Lukas says, "I'm sorry I said that stuff about you. My dad said I wouldn't get a sponsor unless I stayed away from you."

"So then why did you bring the gun to Helen?" Philip wonders.

"I guess . . . 'cause they were gonna take you away."

When Lukas looks away, Philip leans forward and kisses him. They trade kisses for a few seconds before Lukas pulls away, sighing. "My dad's gonna destroy me. Helen told him that I was there in the cabin."

Philip rests his hand on Lukas' thigh, and Lukas takes it in both of his. Philip says, "Yeah, but he doesn't know that I was there. I thought that was all that mattered to you."

"Yeah, I guess, but everything matters to my dad."

"So what are you gonna do?"

Lukas sighs again and lets his head fall against the tree before saying, "I don't know," and then quieter, "I don't know. I guess I gotta go home sometime. You gonna go back to Helen and Gabe's?"

Philip hesitiates. "I don't know. I mean, when I packed up my stuff, they didn't—they didn't try to stop me or anything, so . . ."

"Yeah, Helen sucks, but Gabe—Gabe likes you, right?"

"I guess, maybe he does."

Lukas thinks for a second. "You think they took you in for the money?"

Philip shrugs. "I'm not sure why they took me in, but I just . . . I don't wanna go back there, anymore."

Something about Lukas changes. "Well, you better not leave Tivoli."

Philip looks at him and sees how scared he is. He asks, "Does your stomach hurt?"

Lukas huffs out a laugh and asks, "Why?"

"Well, you know, that's how you know that you're in love."

He lets out another laugh. "Oh, is it?" Philip hums and nods. Lukas pretends to think before saying, "Mm, nope, don't feel a thing."

Philip feigns shock before punching Lukas in stomach, asking, "You do now, eh?"

Lukas hits him back. "Oh okay." They hit each other for a few seconds before Lukas says, "Come here," and pulls Philip in for a kiss. Philip's so distracted, he doesn't even notice it feels like he got punched in the stomach.

The next day, they head to the water after school. Philip asks if Lukas wants him to film his practice. When Lukas says no, he asks what they're doing there. Lukas takes off his shirt, smiles, and states, "We're going swimming. So, you coming in or what?"

"I don't know," Philip says.

"Dude, the water's nice." When Philip hums and looks hesitant, Lukas says, "Man, chill out. We got nothing to worry about anymore. That guy's dead."

"You sure that was the right guy?" Philip questions.

Lukas takes his pants off and says, "Yeah, I mean, I only saw him, like, all the times in my nightmares."

"So, you're good now? It's not making you crazy anymore?"

He squats in the water and replies, "Yeah, I'm good," before splashing Philip. Philip steps back before saying, "Okay, stop, stop, stop."

"What?" Lukas asks with a chuckle.

Philip throws his arms to the side and states, "I don't swim."

"Dude, come on. It's, like, five feet deep."

Philip rubs his arm and sits down. Lukas walks over and sits next to him, throwing a rock into the water. They're quiet, Lukas watching Philip while Philip stares at the water.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lukas asks.

Philip shrugs. "I've never told anyone."

"You don't have to tell me," Lukas assures him.

"I want to. I just—when I was about six or seven, my mom got high while I was taking a bath. She was hallucinating, got agitated, and tried to drown me. Her boyfriend at the time stopped her and gave me CPR," Philip tells him. "It took me a week to enter that bathroom, and another to take a shower. I haven't taken a bath or gone into any body of water, since."

Lukas wraps his arm around Philip's shoulders. "I'm sorry."

"I don't remember it, but when I was in middle school, I got frustrated about my fear, and she told me what happened. I was mad at first before she told me the drug she had taken was laced with something that created the hallucinations. I couldn't be upset with her; she felt awful for all those years." Philip wipes at his face when he feels the tears running down his cheeks. "Good thing soulmates can't feel emotional pain, huh?"

* * *

"You swear you're not lying?" Philip asks as Lukas tries to chase his lips.

"Why would I lie?"

"Because that's all you do."

"I lie to everyone else. Not to you," Lukas replies.

"You swear?"

"I swear I broke up with Rose, okay?"

"What'd she say?" Philip asks while playing with Lukas' shirt.

"She said that she never liked me anyway."

Philip laughs before reaching for the Polaroid camera. He takes a picture of Lukas. They sit back to watch it develop, Lukas' arm around his shoulders. Then, Lukas kisses under his ear. Philip pulls back and asks, "Why'd you do it?"

"Why?" When he nods, Lukas sighs. "'Cause I don't want a girlfriend."

Philip smiles and grabs a couple pair of earbuds, handing one to Lukas. They settle back, Lukas wrapping his arm around Philip's shoulders again as he kisses the side of his head. He keeps his nose there as his hands caress Philip's forearm. It was like they could finally relax. There was nothing to worry about.

* * *

Philip sits at the table as the water pours over the edge of the pot. His heart is racing at the thought of the killer still be alive and out to get Lukas. Now he has to have the FBI watch him the whole time. How long is this going to last? What happens if this lasts longer than a month? Philip's scared for Lukas.

When they meet up at school, Philip says, "I heard you got some bodyguard now."

"They gave me this lame phone. It doesn't even text, but it's got a tracker, so if I see anything weird, I just hit this button and that FBI lady's over here like a flash," Lukas says.

Philip looks past his shoulder. "Okay, well, what about me, Lukas? I mean, he saw me too? What am I supposed to do? That guy . . . he's gonna kill me." Lukas is looking around, completely oblivious. "Are you even listening to me? What am I supposed to do?"

"As long as you're—as long as you stay by me and Helen, you're safe," Lukas answers.

"What about at school?"

"What about it? I'm right here," he assures him.

"So we can hang out here, around your friends?" Philip asks, sounding annoyed, like he doesn't believe Lukas for a second.

Except Lukas nods and says sincerely, "Yeah. Yeah, of course."

Philip excuses himself to put his bike away. When he turn to go back, Kamilah's ushering Lukas across the street. He frowns, wanting to follow, but he knows Lukas is in good hands, so he heads inside. He sits through half of his first class before he's being dismissed by Gabe.

"What's going on?" Philip asks.

"Lukas spotted the shooter at the school, and he's afraid the shooter saw him talking to you. He kept asking us to pick you up," Gabe explains. "Helen finally gave in and told me to come. You okay with that?"

Philip nods quickly. "Yeah, definitely. Whatever Lukas needs."

Before the truck even stops, Lukas is out the front door and speed-walking towards them. He pulls Philip into a hug as soon as he's standing on grass. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Of course I'm okay. I'm with you, aren't I?" Philip asks quietly.

Lukas pulls away slightly to look at his face. "Yeah, I guess so. Let's go to the barn and talk."

"So, you really saw the guy?" Philip whispers.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Well, what happens when they find out you didn't actually see him?"

"Why are you stressing me out?"

That slaps Philip in the face. "I don't mean to. It's just—"

"And why are you whispering?" Lukas questions.

"Because maybe it's wired."

"They didn't say that."

"Yeah, probably 'cause they don't want to freak you out."

"Really? Why?"

"They probably want to hear if you're being attacked," Philip offers. "I don't know. Give it a try. Say something."

"Like what?"

"Anything. Just something."

Lukas looks at the phone, then at Philip. He smirks and pushes Philip while saying, "Philip's obsessed with me. Help, he's attacking me. No, wait. Wait, Philip was the cabin shooter!"

Philip grabs the phone and runs away, saying," Lukas likes dicks!"

Lukas tackles him to the ground and pins him there, pressing their lips together. They trade a couple kisses before Lukas throws the phone to the side, then they trade more. Philip pulls away, saying, "Wait, wait, wait, wait."

"What?" Lukas asks, sounding annoyed.

"What if that guy really is out there looking for us?"

"No one can find us here."

"How do you know?" Philip questions.

"How do I know? 'Cause that—only that FBI lady knows where we are, remember?" Lukas assures him.

Their noses rub together before Philip says, "Okay," and surges up for another kiss.

Later that night, Lukas stays in Philip's old room while Philip goes upstairs. As soon as Philip sits on his bed, his phone is ringing with an unknown number flashing across the screen. He answers and asks jokingly, "Who's this?"

"Hey, it's me. I'm down here on the FBI phone," Lukas says.

Philip huffs out a small laugh. "Do you miss me already?"

"You gotta help me, Philip."

He sits up and asks, "Is it the nightmares again, where you can see the guy's face?"

"No, that's the problem."

There's some creaking, and then a door closes. "Just hang on a second."

He creeps downstairs and tiptoes across the hall, careful not to step on the wooden panel that always creaks. Lukas looks at him when he enters the room, watching him as he lies on the other side of the bed.

"So, you're sure."

"Yes, I—I know he's after me, but I can't see him at all."

Philip sighs and says, "I used to do this thing whenever things got really bad back home. I would turn the sink on and close my eyes, and I would pretend that I was underwater, like I was floating in a pool or something at the bottom. No one could get to me. No one could touch me. I was safe."

Lukas looks at him and asks, "Did it make things better?"

"No. No, but it made me forget how bad things were."

He sighs. "I still can't remember anything. When that sketch artist comes tomorrow, what am I gonna say? What am I gonna say? They'll think I'm an asshole."

"There's nothing from all those nightmares you had?"

"The gun was always covering his face."

Philip turns on his side and rests his hand on Lukas' shoulder, closing his eyes. Lukas takes a deep breath and looks at the watch before putting it in his pocket. He then rests his hand on Philip's and closes his eyes, begging himself to not have nightmares.

* * *

Lukas revs the engine on his new bike, getting ready to jump the ramp. Philip's crouching by the other end, his phone ready to film. Lukas then starts riding forward, quickly picking up speed. While he's in the air, there's a loud pop, and Philip's chest hurts like hell. He watches as Lukas falls into the water, not getting up after he lands. Scrambling, Philip runs to save him, hesitating before running into the water, quickly pulling him to land. He pulls Lukas' helmet off and presses his hand to the bullet wound on his chest. It then dawns on him.

_My chest hurts where Lukas got shot._

He hears Kamilah running. She calls for an ambulance when she reaches them, then she calls Helen. Philip's chest is throbbing, but he pushes through it as the paramedics arrive, taking Lukas away. Kamilah goes with them while Helen drags Philip back to the Waldenbeck's house. She follows the ambulance, her lights on as well. Philip's curled in the passenger seat, trying to dampen the pain. He doesn't notice Helen side-eyeing him, her jaw slightly dropping when he clutches at his chest.

"Lukas?" she asks.

Philip looks over and nods. Suddenly, his eyes widen. "Something's wrong. I don't feel—AGH!" Philip arches in the seat, his eyes squeezed tight. Then, his body goes limp, but he's still conscious.

"What's going on?" she demands.

"I think his heart stopped. I didn't feel anything until th—" He screams again, but it looks like he's in more pain. They must've upped the Joules.

When they get to the hospital, Philip's weak from all the pain. Helen deposits him in a chair, calling Gabe to tell him what happened. She then Philip that she has to go back to Tivoli, but Gabe's on the way from Esopus. He slumps in the chair, his face void of emotion. Helen almost wants to stay, but she needs to find who did this so Lukas can be safe. Philip barely registers her walking away, his eyes on the floor. His chest still hurts, which should be a good thing, but it's a constant reminder that they weren't safe, they weren't  _careful_. Lukas is in the hospital because they were reckless, they thought they could go without Kamilah for ten minutes.

Philip tells Gabe it's his fault, that every person he gets close to gets messed up. Gabe tries to tell him it's not true, but he won't listen. His mom, his foster parents, and now Lukas. This is why he was so closed off at the beginning; he didn't want to mess everything up.

When he finally gets to see Lukas, Bo looks like he's about to beat Philip to a pulp. Gabe stops him, though, telling him that Philip has every right to see him because they're friends. They walk away, and Philip watches from the window. Rose stands up and goes out to talk to him.

"Is he going to be okay?" Philip asks.

"They don't know. They just asked me to talk to him, even though I know he doesn't want to hear from me," she says.

"I know you guys broke up, but he still likes you," he says.

"Maybe." She seems to hesitate before saying, "I know about you guys being soulmates. Lukas told me. I won't tell—"

"Wait, he knew?" he asks.

She nods. "Didn't you?"

Philip lets out a frustrated sigh. "No. No, not until today. Do you think people would care if they knew."

"At first it would be a big deal. After that, I don't know."

"Why didn't you tell anybody?"

She looks at Lukas, saying, "I like spending time with Lukas. People thinking that he was my boyfriend, it was—it was nice."

He tries to speak, takes a breath, and tries again. "He really wanted to make it work with you."

Surprisingly, Rose pulls him into a hug. She rubs his back, whispering that it'll be okay, she's there for him. He nods, knowing she's telling the truth. They're reluctant to pull away, obviously not wanting to leave the comfort of the other. She squeezes his hand and walks away, giving him some time alone with Lukas.

* * *

The next day, Gabe takes Philip to see his mom. They walk around the yard of the rehab center, Philip telling her about the cabin and Lukas being in the hospital. When he's done, she leads him to a bench.

"Honey, I know that I haven't bee well, but you should've told me sooner," she says.

"I wanted to. It's just—it's been so crazy," he states.

"Is Lukas getting better?" she asks.

"Yeah, that's what they said."

"Look, honey, if you come forward now and tell them what you saw, they're gonna take you away."

He shakes his head. "I don't wanna have to lie anymore."

"I know. You're building a life with these people. And Gabe said that you could stay with them after you age out, right?"

"Yeah."

"It means they care about you. They want you to be with them. Honey, don't risk losing that."

Philip looks at his lap, trying to hold back the tears. He looks at his mom and says, "He's my soulmate, Mom. I can't lose him."

Later, after Bo's brought Philip to the hospital, Philip sits on Lukas' bed and pulls up a video from his channel. He places it by his ear and asks, "Do you hear that, Lukas? That's you. That's you riding, Lukas. Can you hear it?" He swallows. "I love you, Lukas, Please wake up."

He presses a kiss to Lukas' forehead. When he pulls away, he spots Bo in the corner of his eye. Bo seems to hesitate before he walks away. His heart hurts, knowing it's gonna be rough for them once Lukas wakes up.

* * *

Lukas is awake. He's okay.

Philip is not.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've told you that—" he starts, but Helen cuts him off.

"We'll talk about it later. Right now I need you to tell me, what does he looks like?" Helen asks.

"He was wearing a baseball cap, and he had sunglasses on, but it was him," he says.

"And you got a good look at him in the cabin?"

"Yeah. A white guy. He had dark hair."

"What did his face look like?" she then asks.

Philip hesitates. "His hair was covering his eyes, so I couldn't really tell. But—but I know it was him at the gas station. I'm sure it was him."

"Let's get these guys out of here," Helen says, but the nurse stops them. They argue back and forth while Philip and Gabe unhook Lukas from the machines and help him into a wheelchair.

Gabe puts them in the maternity ward, standing watch outside. Philip drags a chair over to Lukas, wanting to stay close, but far enough so he doesn't feel overwhelmed.

"So, you told her. Helen knows everything," Lukas mutters.

"I had to. I mean, you got shot, and then I saw the guy, but he's not going to get you again," Philip assures him.

"You think we're safe up here?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Helen's got it covered."

It's quiet for a few seconds before Lukas asks, "Hey, where's my dad? Where is he right now?"

"No one can find him," Philip states.

"What do you mean? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, it's . . . he saw me kiss you."

Lukas' eyes widen. "What?"

"It's not a big deal. It was just on the forehead, and I don't even know if he saw the whole thing," Philip mumbles.

"But where is he?"

"I—I don't know."

"Why did you have to kiss me?"

Is he serious? "Because I was afraid you weren't going to wake up. And it's—it's really not that big of a deal. It's just a kiss."

"It is a big deal. It's a really big deal. My dad won't get it. Rose won't get it."

"Well, she already knows."

"You told her," Lukas whispers.

"No, she figured it out on her own," Philip says.

"If she knows, she's going to tell everyone."

"No, she said that she won't."

"Yes, she will. She will."

"No. No, Lukas, the only person who is not cool with this is you. And your dad, I don't know what his deal is, but he will get over it too," Philip snaps. He takes a deep breath. "I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

Philip sighs and stands up, walking towards the empty cribs. "I don't want to be punched, kicked, made fun of, and have lies told about me when you're just gonna turn around and kiss me and—and say a few words that aren't completely horrible, expecting me to forgive you every time. It's not worth it anymore."

"Philip, please—please don't do this. We're soulmates," Lukas pleads.

Philip scoffs and turns around. "Yeah, figured that out when you got shot. Were you ever going to tell me, or was that going to be a secret between you and Rose?"

"No, I was going to tell you as soon as this was over."

"You can't even admit to yourself that you're gay, how would you be able to tell me that we're soulmates?" Philip asks.

"A bunch of people are bonded to their friends—"

"I can't just be friends with you!" he yells, making Lukas cower. He almost feels bad. "No matter how hard I try, I won't be able to, and trust me when I say I want to. There's nothing that I want more than for us to be friends, but I'm a fucking masochist and crawl back to you every time."

"I don't want you to feel like that," Lukas blurts.

"Like what?"

"Like it's so bad to be with me."

"Yeah, well, there's nothing I can do about that."

They sit in silence for what seems like hours when Lukas asks for help with lying on a bed. Philip winces as the stitches pull with every move Lukas makes. Once he's settled, he reaches for Philip's hand, squeezing it lightly when he doesn't pull away. "I'm really sorry. I don't know what I'm scared of more, losing you or my dad."

"You can't completely lose me, you know."

"I don't want the only way I'm connected to you to be through pain."

Philip leans forward and presses a kiss to Lukas' forehead, just like he did yesterday. "Whatever happens, we'll get through it. That's what soulmates do."


End file.
